Eyes on the Price
by cynically quixotic
Summary: "It all started when he'd been born, a greedy, avaricious baby from the beginning. His first act had been to steal his paediatrician's wedding ring. Not that he'd changed much since then." Mammon/Bel's tiara. Crack. Written for a personal challenge.


**To my old readers, I have a new excuse for why I haven't written for years. I had 'O' levels, then graduation, and now I have a part-time job in a Chinese restaurant while waiting for school to start in April. Did I mention I can barely speak my own Chinese name? I am a disgrace to my very very Chinese family, not to mention it makes communicating with colleagues hell. Starting Monday, I'm quitting my job and hitting the gym to begin my new extreme training regimen.**

**In keeping with a tradition I dreamed up last week, my first fic for every fandom is crack. Actually, nearly everything I write nowadays is crack. This was written on a dare which involved opening my artbook to a random page and writing whichever characters faced each other. I normally assume Mammon's female because I'm pretty sure it wasn't confirmed and I just prefer her that way, but I feel it would flow better if Mammon was male in this, for the sake of crack.**

* * *

Mammon was being sneaky. Not that he wasn't always sneaky, the Phantom Arcobaleno being a full-time job and all. But this time he actually had a reason aside from reputation. It all started when he'd been born, a greedy, avaricious baby from the beginning. His first act had been to steal his paediatrician's wedding ring.

Not that he'd changed much since then. But now, he was annoyed. How dare that Vongola kid's office furniture be worth more than his and still cost less? Was there something wrong with his haggling skills? No, that couldn't be it. According to Fuuta, Mammon was the number one bargain hunter, thank you very much. He'd once considered setting up a haggling academy (complete with entrance fees) before deciding it would be too expensive. Not to mention that there were only so many good bargains floating around, and he sure didn't want a bunch of rookies barging past him and snatching them all.

Maybe it had something to do with the kid's always having people dying to do favours for him. _Humph._ Mammon briefly considered being nicer to people before dismissing it as too much effort. Which led him to wonder why he was sneaking around Belphegor's room while the prince was in the shower, searching for his man-tiara.

After discarding the fourteenth pair of used underwear, Mammon huffed. _Screw sneaky._ The Arcobaleno took a deep breath and dove into a pile of multi-coloured socks located at the bottom of the bursting wardrobe. _He's paying for my therapy._

Suddenly, a high-pitched shriek sounded through the air. Mammon cringed. _Of course, the brat sings in the shower. How could I forget? He's so lazy, he probably keeps spares of everything in the bathroom just so he won't have to move. Wait…_

Mammon gasped, immediately regretting it when he was met with a mouthful of socks. _Everything…_

Well, fuck.

Time for Plan B.

* * *

Belphegor towelled off, singing (read: screeching) something about a frog he'd run over with his car. It wasn't that he'd meant to hurt the frog, and it certainly wasn't that he hadn't noticed the frog. He had princely vision. He had princely vision because he was a prince. _Ushishishi._ It was just that the frog had been beneath his notice. When he'd noticed the squelch, he'd gotten out of the car to check on the frog. He was a kind soul that way. He hadn't been sure if the frog was still alive, so he'd stabbed it. It was dead, all right.

_Ushishishi. I wonder what frogs taste like…_

That was Bel's last thought before Mammon whacked him over the head with a frying pan.

* * *

Mammon neatly plucked the tiara from Bel's blonde mane, admiring the sheen of the jewel embedded in the centre. _That was easier than I thought._ He felt a little shiver run through him, but dismissed it as the cold from the shower. Now he'd be able to get better office furniture. Maybe new eardrums. And if it was too expensive, he could always stab people in the eyes with the pointy bits. Mammon decided a tiara was a useful thing to have around. _Never underestimate the power of a good accessory. Oh god, I did not just think that._

But first, to check how much the tiara could fetch. Mammon made his way to a pawn shop he favoured. He'd sold stuff there before, mostly Lussuria's gaudy jewellery (and a couple of whips and handcuffs he did _not_ want to know the origin of).

The sun beat down and reflected off the tiara, catching Mammon's eye. _It's shiny…_ Without warning, Mammon's heart started to beat faster. _Huh?_ He turned the tiara about to get a better look at the gemstone. It seemed to stare him in the eye, making him question his decisions… _Why am I having a staring contest with a tiara? More importantly, I think I'm losing. Bel is so paying for my therapy sessions._

Mammon reached out a chubby hand… and poked the tiara in its metaphorical eye. Instantly, he felt a wave of remorse pass over him. _What…_ The tiara stared at him reproachfully. _Sorry about that._

The tiara winked in the sunlight, as if to say _That's okay._ Mammon felt his cheeks heat up. This was bad. He was treating the tiara as if it was alive. Could he sell off a person? Well, yes. But this tiara was different, somehow. It looked as though it could _empathise_ with him. Odd, considering who it belonged to. Mammon reached out again, tentatively this time, and stroked a finger slowly along the side of the tiara. Again, there was a shiver down his spine, but it wasn't unpleasant. Just strange, almost… _intimate_.

"I'm Mammon."

Oh well, a tiara _was_ handy to keep with him.


End file.
